The popular image of a science fiction convention is less than flattering. One pictures a massive convention center teeming with life provided solely by people defined as those who have no life. An unending procession of geeks, dorks, nerds, wonks, weenies and other kids who got picked last in gym, ranging in ages from thirteen to forty (and yet all still live with their mothers), dressed in such chick-magnet attire as extra-large "Batman" t-shirts and homemade "Star Trek" outfits. Girls dressed as alien slaves or busty anime chicks are sprinkled in and worshipped, though 90% of them are being paid to be there by whatever the hell they're advertising. B-list celebrities sign your crap for a C-note. Inevitably, a trivia contest ensues, and while one man may win, he is indeed still a loser.

This is an unfair, incomplete and inaccurate portrayal of a sci-fi convention. To be specific, sometimes they take place in hotels.

All jokes aside, you may have had a certain reaction to the above description.

Perhaps you are able to look past the silliness and absurdity, and realize that a sci-fi con is just a great way for regular folks to cut loose and indulge themselves in a fun, harmless hobby and meet friends with similar interests. Or perhaps you say to yourself in a quiet voice, "These are interesting people," and resolve to venture forth like Odysseus (or perhaps Ozymandias) and see what it's like at the sort of event you wouldn't consider your cup of tea, but makes a nice sociological experience. Or perhaps you're just really desperate to meet Mark Hamill.

Whatever the case, sci-fi conventions (or "cons," which some linguists theorize must have been an obscure Latin term for "virgin") are fun. No lie. It's like Halloween, a trip to the shopping mall, a fraternity mixer and a movie night with friends all cobbled together like a marginally freakier Frankenstein. But as a first-time con-goer, you might be overwhelmed. How can you take it all in? How will you know what's worth seeing? How can you make the most of your day? Whether you're there to discuss Sigourney Weaver in "Alien" or just act like Sigourney Weaver in "Gorillas in the Mist", here's a helpful guide to making the most of your very first science fiction convention.