Support.

Please don’t shout.

Don’t scream, either.

Look, if you carry on like that, I’ll stop right here -

That’s better. Now, what seems to be the trouble?

Quietly -

Without cursing -

Revenants crumbling, wraiths melting…. If your demons are rebelling, that’s not actually a support issue -

How many towers have collapsed?

I agree, it is serious. Were they under warranty?

Dark towers don’t last forever, you know.

It doesn’t matter what the attackers are using, it’s your responsibility to rebuild the towers every aeon, with fresh sacrifices -

If you’d sacrificed enough virgins, you wouldn’t be having this trouble now. It clearly states on the plans that you have to do that. What do you think the sinister altars are for?

No, I can’t tell you what the attackers are using.

I’m not going to discuss that. All our support is confidential.

It might be an orb. It might be a ring or an amulet. I’ve told you I’m not discussing this.

And I’ve already told you not to threaten me with eternal torture.

No thanks.

No, I’m flattered, but I really don’t want to be your First Minion.

Even if I did want to be Commander of the Shadow Legions, I’m under oath. And you’re not allowed to tempt me.

No, you’re allowed to tempt the other side. But not me. We’re an independent support service, that’s all.

I agree, Master of the Succubi does sound like an enjoyable post. As I’ve said, I can’t accept -

What was that?

I’m sorry, I can’t hear you very well. There’s a lot of noise at your end.

Storming the Dark Fortress? What happened to the Guardians of the Pit?

That’s a shame, but I guess it’s too late to fix now.

No, I’m not admitting liability -

I’m still here.

Yes, I can hear them coming as well. Don’t worry -

No, I can’t stop them. But this is only -

You’ll rise again.

It may take a while, but you’ll rise again. I guarantee it.

No need to scream. It’s in your contract: the Dark always returns. Eventually.

Please stop screaming.

- Goodbye.