If I remember correctly Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) and his brethren saved his beloved Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) from a really bad vampire named James (Cam Gigandet) towards the end of Twilight. The first movie concluded with the vengeful Victoria (Rachelle Lefevre) swearing to avenge the death of James with Bella’s blood, Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner) having a very bad feeling about this unholy pairing, and the two lovers dancing into the night promising to love each other forever…..or until Bella succumbed to her own mortality.

New Moon picks up with Bella doing just fine. She’s got her friends, she’s got her dad (Billy Burke), and most importantly she has Edward. Things fall apart fast when Edward and the rest of the Cullen clan have to leave the town of Forks because Carlisle Cullen (Peter Facinelli) is in danger of blowing his mortal cover. To protect Bella (I suppose) Edward calls it quits with Bella and their never-ending love affair, well, it kinda ends.


Mad, Bad & Dangerous To Get Into An Elevator With: Jane (Dakota Fanning)

All Bella can think about is Edward. With his departure she has an emotional hole punched right through her chest that no one or nothing can fill. That is, until Jacob reappears in the picture and suddenly things don’t look so hopeless. Suddenly there is a chance for romance to bloom again. It won’t be easy since Edward will always be in Bella’s thoughts, Victoria is still on the prowl and Jacob will have his own dealings with the supernatural that could make Bella a spinster a second time.

Yeah, I know, I sorta said too much already so I’ll stop my synopsis there. Honestly, a lot of that stuff can be garnered from the previews. We know Edward is gonna split with Bella. We know Bella is going to go through one of the most dramatic “post break-up” periods ever captured on film. We know Jacob is ready to take over from where Edward left off. And we know that Bella and Edward will somehow reunite in the halls of the vampire council chamber in Italy. Will Bella take a chance on Jacob and leave Edward for good? How on Earth does Bella wind up in Italy? And how does Jacob appear with long hair in one scene and short hair in another scene?

See. You still have some worthwhile reasons for checking this movie out other than ogling over Taylor Lautner’s shirtless scenes. Oh yes, if you’re one of the masses that’s been eagerly anticipating to see more of Lautner’s bulky physique you will get your money’s worth.

And no, pervs, he only goes shirtless. This is a teen romance movie not a Paul Verhoeven skin flick. Ya' sillies.

Anywho, the main focus of the film is Bella and Jacob. It was obvious in the first film that Jacob likes Bella. I mean “really” likes her. Bella, on the other hand, says Jacob is just a friend. Then Edward leaves and Bella starts to see Jacob in a different light. Here’s a guy that is warm, trustworthy, has some color in his skin, and doesn’t freak out over the sight of blood. Jacob seems like the perfect guy. But we know Bella. She doesn’t want nice. She doesn’t want sunshine and rainbows. Bella is happiest when it rains and Edward was her storm cloud du jour. So most of the film she struggles with having a future with Jacob when Edward’s ghost of courtship’s past keeps tugging on her.

Is the film melodramatic? Oh, heck yeah and at first I would blame it on the teenage characters and the teen demographic that The Twilight Saga feeds off of. But it just so happens that I met someone at a party recently and when our eyes met the floor dropped from under me. It was like the special effect when that one person is standing still while the rest of the crowd is moving in a slow-mo blur. I somehow got the urge to talk to him and he dug me. I felt like Steve Urkel talking to a Calvin Klein underwear model but the guy actually wanted to hear what I had to say. Then we went on a date and it was amazing on so many levels. We connected even more and now have this amazing deck constructed on the house that is my life. 

 
Out With The Old, In With The Jacob: Jacob (Taylor Lautner) and Bella (Kristen Stewart)

I appreciated New Moon more as someone who has been touched by a profound feeling that was both love and lust combined into one potent mixture of groovy vibrations. I was so attuned with Bella that I didn’t see a whiny brat crying over her pale-faced boyfriend like a silly twit. No. I saw a human being that found someone she connected with on those vital planes of the physical and the emotional. Then that connection was severed. Her love-line was unplugged and she was left deactivated, useless and cold.

Those of us that have been there know that it is not always so easy to just get back on another horse hoping it won’t throw you off and break your other leg. When you find someone that touches your soul so hard that it leaves an impression you can’t scrub off. That place where he or she touched you will always be there. The pain will fade but the scar is permanent. What made Bella’s situation so intense was that she kept picking at it. Edward’s mark just kept bleeding and oozing pus and she wouldn’t let it heal. She didn’t want it to heal. She didn’t want to forget Edward. She didn’t want him to just be some discarded boyfriend.

I think I’ve made it clear enough that I really enjoyed the teen angst flavored romance part of New Moon. For the non-romantics who have miraculously read this review without barfing up your dinners there are some great moments of action to be had. There isn’t a whole lot of adrenaline pumping moments but the scenes that are there are worthwhile. There will be some vampire versus werewolf skirmishes. There will be vampires doing cool yet eerie things with their powers like the "now he's here and now he's there" trick. Bella does some crazy stuff like hurling herself off a cliff into the violent waters below. Plus, there’s a major bru-ha-ha in the Volturi throne room as Edward, Bella and Alice Cullen (Ashley Greene) take on some powerful bloodsuckers.


I'm sorry, Bella, but I see a bad perm in your future: Alice (Ashley Greene) and Bella (Kristen Stewart)

The effects are decent. It seemed like they just tweaked the effects already featured in Twilight. For starters, that “shiny skin” effect that was the butt of many jokes is made extra dazzling in New Moon. I guess it’s an improvement. The fact is Stefanie Meyer’s (author of the original Twilight Saga the film series is based on) vampires have shiny skin in the sunlight. They don’t need to make the vampires into walking Lite-Brites to make that point anymore clearer. The newest effect is the werewolf transformation shot that is quite rapid as opposed to the classic “slow-grow” technique. I guess due to the nature of the film (and the PG-13 Rating) you’re not going to see Jacob writhe in agony as his body painfully contorts into wolf form.

And no we will not see Jacob morph back to human. Please put your cameras away. Ugh, he’s not even old enough to drink alcoholic beverages yet. Sheesh.

Most of the original cast returns. All the original Cullens are back. Bella’s little clique of pals remains intact. Laurent (Edi Gathegi) and Victoria (Rachelle Lefevre) are back. The new editions are a lot of fun. Michael Sheen takes a break from being a Lycan to portray the Volturi head-cheese, “Aro”. I dunno but I think I kinda like Mr. Sheen with alabaster skin and red eyes a little more than watching him run around all hairy chested in the Underworld movies. Oh and Dakota Fanning. Ooh, she is so deliciously eeeevil as “Jane”, one of Aro’s right hand vamps. There isn’t too much of "Jane" in New Moon so I hope we see more of her in future sequels because I am so captivated by the pretty little psycho right now. She now has a permanent seat at my tea parties. That is, if I actually hosted tea parties.


Whoops! I wandered onto "The DaVinci Code" set, again: Bella (Kristen Stewart)

New Moon was fun. Throughout those two hours I was never bored and I never yawned. There were a few questionable things like why exactly did Edward break up with Bella and how did Bella and Alice get to Italy so friggin’ fast? Otherwise, New Moon was pretty good.

I must stress, though, that this is not like Underworld. The emphasis will be on the love triangle between Bella, Edward and Jacob. Don’t walk into this thinking you’re going to see a whole lot of “vampire vs werewolf” battles because you will be partially bummed. If you’re looking for a decent cinematic soap opera with supernatural seasoning for the holidays then New Moon is the perfect gift (and way cheaper than a ring from Jerrod’s).