I never watched the show. I did not see the filmed live concert. I do not own any of the albums. Still, I felt a pang of curiosity about Hannah Montana – The Movie. Then my friend got two free movie passes and I got him to take me to the show (in exchange for a lavish Red Lobster dinner in the nearest future). But before I give my “non-fan” opinion of the film here’s the setup.

As most of us already know Miley Stewart (Miley Cyrus) is a regular young girl that attends school, goofs with her friends and gets good parenting from her dad, Robbie (Billy Ray Cyrus). Miley aspired to be a singer so she and her dad came up with this idea to create a second identity that would absorb all the fame and publicity and craziness of pop stardom so that Miley could lead the life of an ordinary teen. That alternate persona was dubbed Hannah Montana.

The film begins with Hannah continuing to conquer the world through spectacular concerts, fabulous music videos and hit songs on the airwaves. But dad is worried that Miley is getting too caught up in Hannah’s glamorous life. When Hannah crashes her best friend Lilly’s (Emily Osment) Sweet 16 party and gets in a shoe fight with Tyra Banks (herself) dad puts his foot down and drags the mini-diva down to Crowley Corners for a “Hannah detox”. Miley is determined to keep Hannah alive and pursue her mega-sized career.

Until, of course, she starts to enjoy herself in the quaint Tennessee town. Fresh air, friendly neighbors, and a smoking cute young cowboy named Travis (Lucas Till) makes Miley re-think the possibility of a “Hannah free” lifestyle.

Vanessa Williams stars as Hannah’s publicist, Vita. Great to see her even if she is just playing “Wilhelmina Lite”. Tyra Banks’ cameo is a hoot. Other superstar placemats include Taylor Swift, Rascal Flatts and, reportedly, Bucky Covington (who I did not recognize. Where was he?).

Overall, I thought Hannah Montana – The Movie was okay. Though I can’t say it made me race home to catch the Disney Channel reruns of the show I do have a better understanding of why the franchise is so red hot.

I enjoyed some of the music. The “Hoedown Throwdown” segment got my toes tapping. Cool dance moves that might catch on. As for me, I’ll stick with the Electric Slide. But, ohhh, I wish you could’ve seen the little tots dancing in the aisles during the country line number. Such a precious moment that was.

My other favorite tune was whipped out during the final act. Miley comes on stage with a heavy strings section in tow and then she belts out this song called “The Climb” and I gotta be honest……my jaw dropped and my eyes popped. I sat there thinking that if Ms. Cyrus keeps performing tunes of that caliber I might be inclined to buy an album. It really is a fab song.

I also liked the message about respecting your roots. Miley makes it very obvious that she is not thrilled about the down home charm of Crowley Corners. Eventually Granny Ruby (Margo Martindale) loses her patience and talks some sense into her snotty granddaughter. I’m all for movie messages and this was a key lesson for all the wannabe superstars out there to never forget where they come from and never look down on their birthplace. Go ‘head, Granmar! 

Make sure to keep a hawkeye out for Granny Ruby’s plate collection. I wouldn’t mind renting the DVD so I can pause the shot of the plates and see if I can recognize all the country icons featured on them. I got Elvis and Minnie Pearl, off the bat. I think Roy Rogers and Willie Nelson might’ve been on there. Take a chance and see how many faces you can recognize on the shelf.

The comedic antics were nice. Probably the most elaborate scheme involved poor Miley trying to be in two places at once (a scenario I would guess she's an expert in by now). There she was literally running back and forth across the street to play Hannah for a suave town dinner and transform back into herself for a date with Travis.

Whoops, I forgot to mention that Crowley Corners is in danger of being “citified” by a slimy developer played by Barry Bostwick. It leaks out that Miley is a good friend of Hannah Montana and the town begs her to get the celebrity to help them save their home. So, Miley will have to once again play two people and hope that no one catches on.

Amazingly, her BFF Lilly forgives Miley for ruining her birthday bash and rockets down to Crowley Corners to help. Sure, Lilly could’ve just played Hannah which would have saved Miley so much drama and grief. Nah! That would’ve made things far too easy and a lot less intense. Plus, we needed the duality crisis to affect Miley’s relationship with Travis because we gotta know who he’ll choose; the farm girl or the blonde bombshell? Hannah’s connection to the town also gives a certain gossip rag reporter (Peter Gunn) a very good reason to snoop around Crowley Corners for clues and get physically abused for our amusement.

The only thing that rubbed me the wrong way about Hannah Montana – The Movie was the conclusion. I’m probably going to spoil the end but I’ll have to so I can make my precious point.

See, I got that the film was about Miley rediscovering herself. Her dad saw her drowning in Hannah’s ocean of craziness and threw the girl a life preserver. I figured Miley would realize that she didn’t need the Hannah wig anymore and live the rest of her existence as Miley and only Miley. Then the townspeople urge Miley to put the wig back on and Miley is like “Sure, okay”. I looked at my friend, like, “What the fudge?” I figured the moral of this story would promote that sage and ancient adage to be yourself. Instead, this film was encouraging this girl to continue leading a double life. The town tells Miley that continuing to play Hannah will help her keep her normal life and after a couple of days of pondering that moment I think I understand the logic a little better but I still think it’s a kooky decision.

I kinda also wish there was more Lilly coverage. I realize the movie was all about Miley and Hannah but I figured Miley’s partner in antics would get a lot more screenage than she did. I also wish there was a little more time spent on the blooming relationship between Robbie and Lorelei (Melora Hardin). But I give major kudos to the refreshing change of pace with Miley encouraging her dad to date rather than the usual insecure child that tries to keep their single parent, well, single.

The movie has been doing pretty well at the box office since the April 10th premier so I don’t think I have to encourage y’all to see it because you already have or you’re going again. As for me, I can’t say I’ve been converted to the House of Cyrus but I can totally dig the vibe that the youngsters (and oldsters) feel when it comes to experiencing “The Best of Both Worlds”. I’m a big Spice Girls fan and when Spice World came out it was like manna from heaven. That movie is a classic in my book though it’s a dud in virtually every other critics’ books. It’s a fan thing. What can I tell ya.

Most people will write off Hannah Montana – The Movie as uninspiring fluff meant to keep the children hypnotized under the pop siren’s spell so they can buy more Hannah related merchandise. And, ok, that’s kind of true. But flip the coin and you might find a fun and giggly flick about a young girl who thought she had everything she ever wanted in fame and fortune but eventually discovered that the real treasure was at home with family and friends……and a hunky cowboy, to boot.

Now can someone forward me the instructional website that teaches the proper way to perform the “Hoedown Throwdown”? Thanks, y’all.