Numerous studios have announced plans today for live-action movies and TV series based on anime and Western cartoons. These announcements were not unexpected, given the popularity of the cartoons in question, and numerous recent successes turning comic heroes into blockbuster movies.

Said one studio executive, off the record, to Firefox News: "We're running out of comic book heroes. Unless we want to resort to really desperate measures, using comics nobody's ever heard of, such as ElfQuest, we're going to need to turn to the Saturday morning cartoons and to anime properties to continue to earn the big bucks on the tentpole blockbusters that our stockholders expect. Batman, Spider-Man and the X-Men may be popular now, but we're very concerned about overexposure."

Another executive observed to us privately, "We've been watching the fan response to M. Night Shyamalan's adaptation of Nickledeon's Avatar: The Last Airbender. Fan reaction has been overwhelmingly positive for the plans for the live action version of the series. People are particularly excited and enthusiastic about the casting choices, and we've been astounded by the amount of dialogue that has been generated."

According to this executive, the groundswell of interest and intense discussion spurred by the Avatar movie has inspired studios to develop other properties along the similar lines.

We have learned that the following properties have been are under live-action development by Hollywood:

Inuyasha

This Japanese cartoon, about a bad-mannered half-demon boy and a teenage girl who accompanies him on his adventures, is a longtime fan favorite and the movie is expected to appeal to both comic-book fans and Narnia fans. Kagome, the heroine, travels to the past through a magical well, just as the kids in Narnia travel to a magical world through a wardrobe.

However, early plans announced by Hollywood indicate that some changes will be made. Inuyasha will be set in California, and Kagome will be a poor orphan being raised in foster care. Inuyasha, instead of being a sixteenth century half-demon, will be a rock star with a bad attitude and a secret identity as a hanyou.

Said a studio spokesman, "We feel that American viewers will be more comfortable and more apt to watch a movie set in America, with characters reimagined to suit American sensibilities."

Casting has been announced for Inuyasha: The Movie. Actors selected for the roles include:

Kagome: Kristin Kreuk
Inuyasha: Tom Felton
Sango: Eliza Dushku

Miroku has not yet been cast. A studio spokesman indicated that they were looking for a black actor for this role because they wish to have a diverse, racially sensitive cast. However, the studio spokesman indicated that every screen test they'd seen featuring a black actor as the sexually aggressive Miroku did not meet the approval of the movie's financiers. Said one bigwig, "When Miroku gropes the girls, we're concerned about how it will be perceived by the audience. However, we want to remain true to the character.
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No word yet if they're keeping fifteen year old Kagome's extremely short skirt.

Static Shock

This popular and groundbreaking Western cartoon featured an inner-city boy who unexpectedly found himself with static-electricity based super powers. Work to reimagine Static Shock as a live-action series is well under way, with Robert Pattinson cast as the title character. Said one spokesman, "We expect Robert to really sparkle in this role."

Disney's Gargoyles

This popular and critically acclaimed cartoon from the mid 90's has long been neglected by Disney. Cries of joy and, frankly, stunned surprise could be heard from Firefox News's editors when it was learned that the show would finally be getting the big screen treatment. However, we were somewhat disappointed that Greg Weisman is not involved in the project.

We have learned that there will be some changes to cast of the show. A studio spokesman told us, "We want something to release to counter Transformers. Gargoyles has a very similar feel to those robots, and should appeal to the same demographic. The movie will be a buddy show between magic creatures and a hero."

Therefore, in order to appeal to the prized age 15-to-30 male viewers, some changes have been made to the cast. The African American/Pueblo Indian character Eliza Maza was deemed too difficult for the desired demographic to identify with, and she has been replaced Detective Elroy Maza. Elroy, a closet nerd when he's not waving a glock around and shooting bad guys, accidentally awakens an entire clan of Gargoyles with a real magic spell intoned during a marathon Dungeons & Dragons session.

Of course this means that the love store between Elisa and Goliath, which many long-standing fans of the show find central to the appeal of the series, will not be featured in the movie. The spokesman indicated, with some laughter when we brought up the subject of the show's intensely loyal fan base, "Our research indicates that, while fans of the show may be fond of Elisa, most of these fans are thirty to forty year old women, and there's only a few dozen of them out there. We feel those fans will be just as happy writing bad fanfiction and drawing worse fanart about Elroy and Goliath as they are about Elisa and Goliath."

Actors in the running to play Elroy include Dustin Diamond, Richard Dean Anderson, and fan favorite Wil Wheaton.  ("Wheaton's edgy," said the source.)

Additionally, Keith David will not be reprising his role as Goliath. The studio spokesman indicated, "We wanted someone more recognizable than David. Nobody knows who he is, or if they do, they won't identify with him. We're going to sign an actor who will appeal to a broader segment of middle America."

We have late word that Val Kilmer is in the running for the role of Goliath.

Other properties:

Other series under consideration for Hollywood development include Rurouni Kenshin, Fullmetal Alchemist, Fruits Basket, and Dora the Explorer.

(And dear readers, if you've made it this far without looking at the post date of the article, do so now. This one was written with a bit of snark and plenty of rude thoughts directed towards Hollywood.)