We open in mid-parent teacher conference, where we learn Bobby’s been pulling a solid D-minus in math.  Peggy blames Hank because he wouldn’t let Bobby watch Sesame Street, but Bobby was apparently terrified of puppets.  His math teacher shrugs and decides that Bobby’s a bad test-taker, but Hank smells BS and demands Principal Moss intervene.  Of course, he could care less.  Hank’s ticked but vows to make Bobby apply himself.

The following day, the state superintendent arrives to put the fear of God into Principal Moss and his teachers.  The school, apparently, has been ranking far below the national average in standardized testing, and a similarly bad score this time out could result in everybody being fired.

Moss calls a school assembly and tells the kids that now is the time to crack down – failure to ignore this threat may result in the school being closed and the kids being forced to finish out their school year in (gasp!) Dirndle!  Panic ensues – every class, including gym, change focus to study the application of elements which exist on the test.   Unfortunately, the kids still don’t want to learn anything.

Desperately, the teachers confer with Moss, trying to find a sneaky way to pass the number of children needed to get proper government clearance.  Moss, reading a book on the No Child Left Behind act, finally finds a loophole.

Cut to Bobby, who’s pulled out of class by Hall Monitor Ashley.  He’s taken to a classroom with the rest of the D-average-or-lower students, where Principal Moss collectively urges them to behave in the manner of special needs students for an incoming district examiner.  It turns out that special needs students don’t need to take standardized tests, and every student that could wreck the school’s average have been confined to the room.   He successfully hypnotizes them with promises of homework-free nights and a trip to Alamoland, which originally had been promised solely to the honor roll kids.  They all quickly fall in line and follow the plan.

Later that day, Hank is quite ticked to discover that Bobby’s been classified special needs – he knows his boy’s not “special needs” just unmotivated.  He takes it to the district examiner, who refuses to listen to his complaints; further support is denied him by Dale (who now has an excuse for Joseph’s bad behavior), and Peggy (who begins babying her only son).   He tries to confront Principal Moss, who runs away whenever Hank comes within his line of sight.

The still-panicked staff at Tom Landry proceed to stuff more children into the “special needs” class, where simple tasks are the rule of the day.  Soon an offense as simple as staring boredly into space becomes reason enough for banishment.  The kids settle into their bribe-filled, simplified existences with little protest.



At Alamoland, the honor roll students are drilled in mathematics while the special needs class is allowed to run wild under the supervision of Dale.  Bobby cons the ride operator into jamming himself and Joseph onto a log flume ride so that Joseph can keep tabs on his girlfriend.  Dale – who removes his clothing to avoid getting soaked by the ride – does little to corral them.  They begin to horse around, tumble out of the ride and cause a huge scene when they cascade, sans boat, down the falls.  The gawking masses are immediately out for Principal Moss’ blood.

Principal Moss thus comes under critical fire for allowing the special needs class to run wild at Alamoland (Dale having been mistaken for a member of the class, and even having made the news as an “unidentified special needs child”).  His superintendent tells him that he’d best bring up the school’s average or else.  Hank finally manages to corner them, and convinces a flummoxed Moss to just push the kids to achieve, and they’ll pass the test.

In a montage, we see Moss and the other teachers helping the special need class to learn to love learning.  Bobby even develops a talent for algebra.  

The entire class does indeed take the test, but while Bobby passes, the school’s average goes down.  Principal Moss is fired, replaced by the gym teacher and reduced to selling j-bone steaks on the highway (ouch!).

Tag: “Gribble!  Where’s your dumb kids?” – Kahn

While it’s predictable that King of the Hill would offer a smart take on what standardized testing and the pigeonholing of children into “neat” educational categories have done to American students, this episode could have contained so much more.  It would have been interesting, for example, to see Bobby encounter a child who truly fits the “special needs” criteria and thus be confronted by what his laziness has wrought.  Instead, the episode’s message is a plaintive call for mental exercise.


The biggest surprise came in the form of Principal Moss’ downfall, which has been years in the making and proved to be a surprisingly harsh punishment.  He’s always been the greedy, bureaucratic sort, but he’s never willfully put students in the way of psychological harm for his own selfish reasons before. 


Overall, a thought-provoking episode, though marginally flawed. 

Ratingswise, “No Bobby Left Behind” drew a 6.7, the third-highest rated program on Fox that evening.
 

The next fresh episode of King of the Hill, “A Bill Full of Dollars”, will air on November sixteenth.  Be sure to check back here on the seventeenth for a full recap!