This week, Marge, Homer and the kids travel back to a memorable locale from Marge and Homer’s courtship, resulting in a wild trip through the past for everyone involved.
 

Kredit Kookies: Chalk Board Gag: “I did not see teacher siphoning gas” (WIN!) Couch Gag: The family are transformed into wooden figures emerging from a set of cuckoo clocks. 
 

We open on the highway.  It’s the fourth of July, and the Simpson clan are among the masses stuck in gridlock.  Yes, Homer’s listening to KBBL’s shock block, where they’re in the middle of a sound effect countdown, which Bart finds desperately annoying – no one gets between Homer and his mindless entertainment, though, so Bart tries to avoid the sound of the nattering shock jocks by using earplugs.
 

Meanwhile, Marge points out a pair of hitchhiking teenagers – Lisa points out that Marge disapproves of hitchhikers in general, but Marge can’t resist the lure of helping out two young lovers, the Squeaky Voiced Teen and his girlfriend, Beatrice.  They remind Homer of Marge and himself, years ago…
 

We head twenty years into the past, where Marge and Homer are still dating and very passionately in love.  While trying his hardest to invent a new activity (the “on-bike-make-out”), Homer loses control of his bike and they crash into a mud puddle.  Bikes wrecked, they decide to hitch-hike to their final destination.  By coincidence, Ned and Maude Flanders, freshly married, find and decide to help them out with their journey (CONTINUITY ERROR!).  Homer instantly LOVES Flanders, who has no qualms about laying out the difficulties of marriage to them (the same fight over and over and over again…), shocking both Homer and Marge.
 

Homer turns to Marge and vows to never marry her.  Marge, equally horrified, vows the same.  They begin making out, and Homer sighs that he never wants to stop kissing Marge…


 …Which takes us back to the present, where Homer’s trying to stop the Squeaky Voiced Teen and his girlfriend from making out in front of the kids.  Lisa’s distracted with a book, and Bart’s playing a video game entitled “Cereal Killer,” where the object is to gun down popular breakfast food cereal mascots.  Bart is thusly “cuckoo for killing stuff!”.  They pass by an SUV store on the verge of bankruptcy; a flashback five years into future takes us to its opening.


Marge and Homer, now married, are on their way back from a family reunion, which Homer ruined by peeing the pool.  Patty and Selma, riding in the back seat, take every opportunity to mock Homer, who has enough at last and throws them out onto the highway.

This was remarkably short-sighed of Homer, as Patty and Selma have the map.  He’s harnessed a navigation device…directly to the gas line.  Naturally, they’re soon legging it down the highway.

They find a mansion, where a pool party’s taking place.  Alberto, the generous host, invites them in and encourages them to join the festivities.  Homer immediately cuts loose, insisting that his father has the kids well in hand (a quick cut-away to the Casa De Simpson reveals Abe being mugged by Bart and Lisa for a stash of cookies).  

Homer quickly meets up with a footloose woman named Sylvia, and begins a mild flirtation.  They’re soon interrupted in mid-limbo (not a metaphor) by Marge, who’s completely outraged by Homer’s lack of couth.  She’s knocked into the pool as Homer and Sylvia start a sushi fight.  Emerging, Marge snarls that she wishes she never married Homer.

Back in the present, Homer drops off the Squeaky Voiced Teen and Beatrice at Tongue Kiss Point.  He points out that she’s “gonna take him for a lot of money” as his car pulls away (Beatrice “subtly” reveals the truth of this statement by darting her eyes rapidly back and forth).  The Simpmobile soon pulls up before the Kozy Kabin, which completely unimpresses Bart and Lisa.  Homer bribes them with a peddle car and ten bucks apiece, and they take Maggie and give Homer and Marge a little alone time.

Twenty years in the past, The Flanders and Simpsons-to-be have arrived at the Kozy Kabin as well.  Maude and Ned, knowing that Marge and Homer are unmarried, promptly devote themselves to keeping the young couple physically apart, tho Homer’s “trouser devil” is yelling.  Ned and Maude promptly indulge in a “sensual” wedding night that includes Maude’s dead grandmother’s plaid pajamas – Homer and Marge, meanwhile, are left to long for one another in separate rooms.  While Homer pouts (“I never thought I’d say this, but, Stupid Flanders!”), Marge calls her sisters and informs them that she’s being watched over by “actual Christians”, so they won’t have to worry about her being away from home for the night.  Patty and Selma are, of course, nonplussed – and add an item to their Homer Insult File.

Five years ago, Marge is alone sobbing in a cabana, trying to wring out her dress, when she’s interrupted by Alberto.  He offers her a fresh set of shoes and a dress, and takes her for a ride in his private plane.  Homer witnesses her desertion from the ground, at what point Sylvia closes in for the kill.

Alberto takes Marge to the Kozy Kabin, and the very sight of the place makes Marge anxious.  “First we make love.  Then we decide if it’s a good idea.  It’s the European way,” Alberto declares, ushering Marge into an empty room.  

At the same time, Homer and Sylvia arrive for their own assignation.  Sylvia offers him anything he wants, but Homer can only sigh, “I want you to be Marge.”  (AWW!).  They accidentally bump into each other, and their eventual machinations result in Sylvia and Alberto spending a memorable evening together in a steamer trunk, locked outside of Marge and Homer’s room.



Just as they’re about to have a make-up snuggle, Grandpa Simpson bursts into the cabin with Lisa and Bart.  Having given up on his babysitting gig, he throws himself into their bed and promptly falls asleep.  Lisa and Bart take a second to celebrate their victory…which is quickly interrupted as they too fall asleep.  Homer and Marge then decide to take their reunion to the shores of the lake.

Back in the present, Homer offers Marge a lakeside boggle session.   He heads to the car to better unpack it, managing to get himself tangled in the bungee ropes tying their gear down (their “wedding bungees!” in Marge’s words).  They’re interrupted by the arrival of the now-married Alberto and Sylvia, who have a similarly-unhappy-to-be-at-the-Kozy-Kabin daughter, Lucy.  They two couples awkwardly re-meet, with an ebullient Alberto thanking Marge and Homer for their near-philandering’s bringing himself and Sylvia together.  Homer and Marge are similarly outraged by the notion of the most romantic night of their marriage being tainted by this fact, and Homer stalks off with an assisting kick from Lucy, claiming he wishes he never married Marge.

Off in the woods, a lost Lisa and Bart are fighting like a married couple.  The bullies’ directions being unhelpful (they’re randomly standing in the middle of the woods reading Esquire), Bart and Lisa remain hopelessly lost.  Lisa wonders what’s happened to them.  “We grew up,” angsts Bart, as we go twenty years into the past once more.

The following morning, Ned’s at peace.  When he asks Homer how his night alone went.  He “missed Marge five times”, apparently.  He sees Marge and rushes over to talk to her; Ned and Maude proceed to spy on them, just to make sure nothing untoward happens.  Marge and Homer head off in the woods, where they gain just a pinch of privacy.  They cuddle beneath a carved-heart emblazoned tree (a shot of which is worth freeze-framing, as it’s covered with such tributes to the love of such entities as Good + Plenty).  Homer climbs up the tree and carves the phrase “Homer+Marge4eva” into its bark.

Cutting back to the present day, Homer sees the carving and laments his selfishness.  “I couldn’t even keep my promise to a tree!”  He realizes that it’s exactly what he needs to save his marriage to Marge, and so climbs up the trunk and tries to peel off the bark, at what point Marge arrives and interrupts him.  

Marge insists that she doesn’t need the carving as a symbol of her affection for Homer – their love is as strong as the tree, she insists, patting it.  That little bit of pressure, sadly, makes it crack and crumble, right over a ravine.  She tries to encourage Homer, who’s now hanging by the now-unraveled chunk of bark, to let go.  “Our marriage isn’t a piece of bark – it’s in us!”  A bit of physical comedy ensues, as Marge tries to keep Homer from tumbling into the ravine, as he’s dangling from a now-loosened skein of bark.  She eventually loses her grip and, though Homer catches her, they begin to free-fall into space.  Reconciling on their way down, they kiss, only to end up dangling a few inches from the river rushing below.

That’s when Bart, Maggie and Lisa peddle up in their car – Bart knew a “shortcut” that involved paddling down the river.  Saved, Homer and Marge climb into the car, where Bart tries to keep them from making out.  “Keep it PG,” he requests.  “R,” Homer tries.  “PG-13,” Bart declares finally.  “PG-13!  Whoo Hoo!  Adult situations!” Homer crows, as the car peddles back up-river.

The show ends with a montage of Homer and Marge, in the varying stages of their lives, coming and going, splitting into their separate selves as they pass the roundabout in front of the Kozy Kabin.  It’s a fairly explicit homage to the movie “Two For The Road”.

Red Dress Press: It’s been a long time since this show has moved me emotionally – in fact, the last time I teared up watching something Simpsons-related, I was watching the Marge/Homer related portions of The Simpsons Movie.  This episode provided several touching moments that reverently harkened back to the shows’ golden years.  

It’s been quite a while since the two of them were consistently lovable throughout an episode, but “Dangerous Curves” manages to bring back to life the old Homer and Marge, who love each other above all things.  It’s easy to see the “old school early-seasons” Marge and Homer in the young, desperately-in-love teens in this episode; they’re recognizable in the harried, emotionally exhausted couple with two energetic young children; they’re even amazingly, refreshingly even, unwhacky in their modern-day incarnations.  Even Sylvia and Alberto became intriguing, if clichéd, characters.  My only quibble comes in the form of Ned’s portrayal, which was just a tad bit overly puritanical.  

Beside the excellent characterization, dialogue proved touching and spot-on.  Homer and Marge’s argument may be a tad ridiculous (it has, after all, been five years since their assignation, and it’s doubtful either of them would have gone through with it.)

Of course, there were moments that felt completely unnecessary – the physical comedy that ties Homer to the bundle of luggage, and the silliness with the tree.  Were I in charge, the business with the tree would have been scrapped completely, as it detracts just a tad from the emotional strength of the episode.  And I don’t know what’s going on with the Lisa/Bart subplot, but it felt just a tad strange in the watching.

Most irritatingly, this episode retcons the first meeting of Ned and Homer, which took place when the Simpsons moved to their current home just before Lisa’s birth in “Lisa’s First Word”.  I’m nearly willing to overlook that canonical issue, because this meeting ultimately makes a better fit with their relationship.

Otherwise, it’s a truly touching, though imperfect, installment.

Did It Fail At Masonry?: Probably one of the best episodes of the season, it’s entirely worth recording and tracking down.

What the Screwballs Think: The episode pulled an 8.1, third in its time period and second on the network for the night.


Springfield Shopper: The next new episode of the Simpsons, entitled, “Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words” will air on November sixteenth.  Be sure to check back on the seventeenth for a complete recap!