I've tried to start this review a dozen times. The problem, I think, is keeping the profanity out of it. After that teaser, it's a lot harder to do than you might believe. One of my biggest complaints with Smallville over the past few years has been their treatment of Lois Lane. Calling that treatment abysmal is being kind.

Please understand me, when I speak about this, I'm not speaking from the perspective of my fannish self. Like everyone else, I have personal biases, characters and pairings that I enjoy, but my problems with Lois? Do not come from any particular pairing issue. In fact, I really enjoyed her relationship with Ollie. I wanted to enjoy her relationship with Grant. I even want to be excited by her future relationship with Clark.

The problem is I can't. Not the way they're writing this woman. The woman they are writing is not Lois Lane. Lois Lane would not do the things this Lois does. Lois Lane? Does not get willfully drunk and ruin her cousin's engagement party. Believe me, I've been there. I've been where she is, the maid of honor at a wedding, dealing with my own inadequacies and feelings about the future. I know it sucks.

What I also know, is Lois Lane? The one people grew up idolizing? Would do the same thing I did. She'd suck it up, paste a smile on her face, and be there to support her friend (and, in this case, her cousin) because that is what you do for the people you love. You don't pony up to the bar and get hammered. You don't get up on a table and ruin her night.

I feel sorry for Erica. I feel sorry for her fans. They're both left in a position defending a character who has been absolutely butchered by ham-handed writing. They both deserve better. The show deserves better.

The writers, however, seem hellbent on making it worse with every single episode. At least Erica can take comfort in the fact she's not alone. Smallville's certainly been sticking it to Allison and Chloe in the same regard. You have no idea how hard I laughed this week, watching Smallville's try to shore up the shoddy writing on Clark/Lois by whipping out a lie detector.

As pathetic goes? That's on the level of "my dog ate my homework". Reasons why it wouldn't work aside (Google, guys, it would not kill you?), it's just cheap. Smallville didn't just cut a corner on this one. It took a sledgehammer to half the building.

What mystifies me about it all? They're being so unabashedly lazy in regards to Lois and Clark/Lois, but they're hitting it out of the park with Mercy and Oliver. Oliver's taste in restaurants aside (Ollie? Hobb's Bay? It's a slum. In fact, it's the renamed Suicide Slum where Lionel's parents met their end) I have no complaints. Ollie's comic philandering made an appearance, but in such a way that it adds to his characterization and makes some great foreshadowing for his relationship with Dinah. If the depth of his feelings for Mercy made him run for the hills, then how much running will he do from Dinah?

The dialogue in their fight scene was slightly stilted, but just the same, the storyline itself is very well laid out. The give and take with Mercy and Oliver? That is what we should be seeing from Lois and Clark. As much as I'd like to, I can't even chalk Mercy and Oliver's success up to the actors. Though Cassidy and Justin are doing an incredible job, the writing is delivering for them. It's giving them something half-decent to work with.

I can't say the same for Tom and Erica. I can't even say the same for Allison and Aaron. It isn't that hard to deliver solid material. It isn't. We've seen them do it. The question is, why aren't they doing it now?

Newsflash, guys, you're dealing with legends here. Now is not the time to be asleep at the wheel.

You need to do better. Or, at least, you need to look like you're trying.

Fake it 'til you make it, SV, cause right now? You're not.