In this week’s King of the Hill, Hank and company face the horrors of overdevelopment when Ted Wassonasong buys his own piece of the hill in “Square-Footed Monster”.

We open with the guys in the alley, where Dale abruptly begins stretching himself out.  He explains that Nancy recently bought him a DVD created by a master stretcher.  “Soon, (he’ll) have a spine like a slinky!” Boomhauer’s inspired by Dale’s idea and soon begins twisting away, causing Hank to propose a new alley rule – no stretching allowed.

Abruptly, a pickup truck idles to a stop.  The condescending twenty-year-old immediately assumes they don’t speak English and says he’s looking for four workers (“QUATRO”) to help him renovate a house.  Hank and company shrug and simply climb into the back of the truck (?!).

They’re driven up the road, to the home of Bill’s nextdoor neighbor, Missus Dwyer.  Apparently she’s recently passed away (“She sure loved concrete amphibians.  And one killed her,” notes Hank.).  The man who picked them up is he nephew, Eric, who wants to make over the house for selling purposes.  The foursome immediately agree to help out.

Over time, the house brightens up.  Eric’s only interested in “curb appeal”, but Hank and the boys take intense pride in thoroughly improving the entire structure.  

Nextdoor, Lucky and Luanne are taking “pregnancy pictures” on the front lawn.  Lucky instructs Luanne to look at her stomach and think of something pretty (not the baby).  Hank interrupts and tells them both how well the house remodel is progressing.  He cuts himself off, rushing to stop Kahn from allowing Doggy to “water” the freshly-packed sod.  Kahn informs the gang that he’s posted fliers at the Nine Rivers country club.  “One redneck neighbor down,” he says with delight. “Four to go!”

Later, the project finished, Hank waxes about his love of community as he stares proudly at the house.  After a moment of silent appreciation from the others, Dale announces that they should do this for Bill’s place when he dies.

The following day, the gang discovers that the house has been sold.  Hank remarks at the quickness of the purchase, and tells Lucky that now he has the ugliest house on the block.  Lucky concedes, but could care less – he has a new whammy bar!

The following morning, Bill’s lined up myriad boxes of cereal and salutes them, one by one (so I guess he didn’t learn anything from his bout with diabetes?  Unless this was aired out of order.)  His morning routine is interrupted by a horrific noise outside.  The other citizens of Rainey Street emerge to find Missus Dwyer’s house being pulled down by a backhoe.  The operator informs Hank that Ted Wassanasong has bought the property, on which he’s planning on building a five-bathroom, five bedroom mcmansion. The guys wince as their hard work is torn to the ground.

The neighborhood is entirely disturbed by the constant early-morning noise produced by the construction company.  Bill’s tied pillows to his ears with a belt; Hank and Peggy are barely able to relax.  Nevertheless, the guys continue to mass in the alley, despite the air quality.  They complain to Kahn, who’s practically glowing at the notion of Ted moving in next to him.  He’s USING KAHN’S BATHROOM every day, so he’s doubly elated.  

Nearby, Bobby and Joseph watch the teamsters, whom they quickly decide have an ideal life and choose to start emulating it.  

Back in the alley, the guys desperately try to hold their ground despite the influx of dirty, dangerous and disgusting activities occurring around them.  The final straw involves the sewer being pumped, which sends the entire gang running up the street gagging.

Some time later, they gather to glare at the skeleton of the house – there’s absolutely no visible lawn left.  Bill laments the constant noise, which is making him nostalgic for Lenore.  Ted appears, offering them a celebratory swig of peach champagne, finally showing them the plans for his house – a lavish mcmansion.  Hank’s perplexed by the design.  “It looks like a church.  No, more like a bank.  No, a casino.”  Ted informs them that the house is a speculation home – he’s going to build it, then sell it.  Hank is, of course, angered by the size of the house and the lack of respect shown for the community and decides to do something about it.

He takes his case to city hall, where his long, very dry and involved explanation – which successfully proves that the house was poorly built with cheap materials - only succeeds in the town planners’ approving Ted’s blueprint.  He even gets a purchasing offer from one of the board members.

This, of course, calls for drastic matters – Hank heads to City Hall to better fight the power.

  He asks the women running the reception area how to file a petition – one snickers that petitions never work, the other suggests they look up Edgar Hornsby, who’s a master at finding legal loopholes.  Too bad they think he’s dead.  Hank quickly glances at the list of offices housed in the building – Edgar’s on the third floor.

Edgar offers immediate assistance, gliding around his office on a rolling chair from file cabinet to file cabinet.  He suggests a variety of different loopholes, but none apply to the situation.  Edgar finally announces that Hank’s screwed, and the gang withdraws from the office – everyone except for Boomhauer, who wants a turn on Edgar’s chair.

Back at the construction site, Bobby and Joseph are enjoying lunch at the catering truck.  They also indulge in some hooting and hollering at a passing female jogger.

That evening, everyone’s at a cookout at Hank’s.  The completed mcmansion towers over Hank’s property, shadowing his grill.  Bill laments that he no longer can tell when it’s daytime and when it’s nighttime because of the heavy shadow falling on his house.  Luanne is the only one delighted by its presence – she says it’s like living in the shadow of a fairytale castle.

Later in the evening, Lucky tells Luanne that he wants their baby’s first scent to be a cinnamon roll.  Their delighted patter about this is interrupted by the sound of something creaking violently in the wind.  A house down, Bill hears the same thing and, in a panic, slams open his shutter, directly against the side of the house, which begins to rock and sway under the strain and the heavy wind kicking up outside.  He emerges to rant at the mcmansion.  “First you take my daylight and now you want my blood!” he howls.  The rest of the Rainey Street residents mass before the mcmansion, and Hank quickly realizes that the shoddily-built house is going to topple over and crush someone’s property.  He orders action, and the citizens soon shatter the structure to a pile of fancy rubble.

Ted appears to survey the damage the following morning.  He accuses them of “redneck druneness”, and Hank simply claims they took the house in self defense.  “And nobody was drunk.”  “There’s a chance I may have been over the limit,” amends Lucky (ugh).   Ted declares they’ll see him in court, “or more likely in the chamber of a retired judge, as most of these cases end in arbitration.”

Flash forward to the neighborhood’s court day – Hank self-defends, of course, and Lucky and Dale fear his dry explanation will sink the whole case.  They decide to go the Perry Mason route and find a surprise witness – who turns out to be Edgar.  He testifies to case precedent, and that seems to tilt the judge in Rainey Street’s favor.  The case is dismissed.  

Back in the alley the next day, Hank can’t resist gloating when Ted shows up to deal with the property.  He tells them he, too, consulted Edgar, who conjured up an eminent domain law for him.  Ted took advantage of it and sold the land to the town of Arlen.  

Flashing forward, we learn that the town’s built a power substation between Lucky and Bill’s homes.  “I thought I was going to live next door to a powerful man!” laments Kahn.  “Now I just live next door to power!”  Hank calls it an eyesore.  Edgar stops by to see the substation, which has been named after him and bears a plaque with same.  Hank convinces him to pull another relevant restriction, which would allow them to build a model home around the power station.  Thus, everyone is satisfied…except for Bill, whose head feels funny.

Tagline: Woo Woo Woo Woo!  - Bill

A step down from the two weeks previous, there was something manic about this episode.  Perhaps it was the sight of the entire neighborhood pulling the mcmansion to the ground as if it were endangering the universe – it just felt like a bit much to me.  The show usually takes a smart, reasoned view of difficult issues and in this case, it failed.

The episode is not entirely without  its successes, however.  It’s always good to see more of Ted Wassonasong, and he didn’t disappoint here.  Hank was at his usual stickler best, and Lucky was used as he should be used – tossed in for a few funny lines without being forced to carry the plot.  Was the pregnancy photo line a cheeky acknowledgement of the fact that Luanne isn’t showing after two years plus of carrying?

I didn’t enjoy the fact of Bill’s diabetes suddenly disappearing into thin air.  And the Joseph/Bobby/Construction Worker subplot was NOT RESOLVED.  So disappointing!

An average episode, I don’t quite find it worth seeking out and recording.  It drew a 7.3 in the ratings, the lowest of the evening’s block.  

The next new episode of King of the Hill will air November second, and will be entitled “Lost In Myspace”.  Be sure to check back on the third for a full recap.