Is Top Model being cut off early this season?  I can think of no other reason that two contestants were eliminated in one hour-long episode.

Miss J finally got to show what he's ostensibly for: runway advice.  The girls had to walk down a mock runway in a bowling alley for practice, where we found that outside of the bubble of the judging panel, Miss J was a lot less caustic to the girls.  I couldn't tell if it was because without Tyra there would be no one to pantomime his mockery or if because he was actually trying to do his job.

America's Next Top Model has discovered one way to create judging drama and it uses that method every single episode.  Much like Stephanie Meyer, the show applies foreshadowing like it's a jackhammer and not a paintbrush, so you know who's getting kicked off Planet Tyra long before the last five minutes of the episode.  

Top Model cameras follow their victim around on her last day like an invisible shark.  The Jaws theme song should play every moment the camera pays attention to the minutia of her troubles, beauty regimen, or over confidence.

Da-duh, Hannah worries about her walk, da-duh, Hannah talks with other people about her walk, da-duh.

Da-duh, Isis says she's going all the way, da-duh, girls gossip about how weak Isis's photos are, da-duh, Isis says her walk is her strong suit.

The first challenge was for the girls to do a runway walk... blindfolded.  The emphasis is Top Model's.  There've been more interesting runway walks: who can forget the shifting stones in a pool?  But as boring as this challenge is, it had the same energy of the rest of Top Model.  First they give the models training wheels to learn how to ride a bike, then they throw them in a pool and say, "Swim."

The ones who thought that Top Model was about learning to be a Top Model, drown.  The ones using Top Model as a vehicle to further their careers end up getting to the finals.

So, the models pranced down the runway in blindfolds, and no one broke her neck.

Miss Alaska 2008 was kicked off when she marched down the runway much like a toy soldier.  "I just learned how to walk yesterday," she admitted in a confessional.  The blunt admission of lack of ability was stark compared to Isis and Joslyn's amazingly strong runway walks.

Hannah reminds me a little of Sarah Palin: A very pretty woman who reminds everyone of the 'girl next door', but has little to no experience.  Her knowledge of the world seems completely informed by her desire to have no knowledge.  Early on, Hannah's issues with transsexuality and race seemed to come back to her "values."  Her inability to get beyond her small town roots held her back both socially and in photoshoots.

Still, like the surreal experience of seeing Governor Palin become the Republican Party's new hope, we saw Hannah win the Covergirl commercial competition and seem to be invincible at panel.  The suddenness of her downfall due to inexperience brought to mind Palin's horrific interview with Katie Couric.

Alas, bon voyage, Hannah.  May Alaska welcome back her wayward daughter.

All of these different Tyra mail photos remind me of that episode of Project Runway where they had to design a new outfit for the US Postal Service.  Her outfit is way too fashion aware to be standard postal wear.

The photo shoot was to "smile with your eyes" while your face was half in the water.  Nigel the creepy photographer emerged from the bottom of the girls' pool in a wetsuit to say that he'd be photographing them.  I can only assume the wetsuit was because the show wants us to believe his body is too hot for us to see on screen.  I personally believe it's because he often secretly hangs around under the surface of the girls' pool in scuba gear.

Clark didn't share my awareness of Nigel's stalker factor and proceeded to steam up the pool with her flirty eyes.  The dark hair has done wonders for our southern belle's confidence.  Scarlett O'Hara couldn't have smiled better with her eyes.

Elina gets increasingly boring with each episode.  Initially, I thought she'd be my favorite, but she seems to lose personality the longer she has to deal with other people.  Her independence is choking her potential to be awesome.

As soon as Isis stepped in the water, the Jaws theme song redoubled its efforts as the production team tried to foreshadow some more who'd was going to be kicked off come judging. I can't help but feel like Isis got a little bit of an unfair shake, but I'm a little uncertain because her picture really was the weakest.

Tyra's dresses at judging panel are getting increasingly absurd. This one was way, way too short for her and emphasized her curves in a very bad way.  She needs to realize that her body is not the same as it was ten years ago, and dress accordingly.  If Jay is going to demean Sheena by calling "hootch" every time he thinks she's being overly sexy, then I want to do the same for Tyra.

Hootch, Tyra, hootch beyond measure.

Clark and her Scarlett O'Hara eyes won for this week.  Personally I thought that there were photos that were much more phenomenal.  Lauren Brie's photo was just a stunning mix of body and eyes, the same for Analeigh.

When her name wasn't called, there was something so graceful in Isis's defeat.  There were no histrionics; her cool composure spoke of a future.  Girls who fall apart when they're dropped from Top Model always seem to have hung their entire future plans on winning.  Isis clearly knew that this wasn't the end for her.

Or, maybe she, like the rest of the world, knew that her presence felt more like a publicity stunt than a real chance to be America's Next Top Model.

Next week: Monster Madness!