Oh, America's Next Top Model, how have we survived without you for a whole four months?

The show is back with new contestants, new drama, and ... well, the same old Tyra self-involvement. What would a season be without massive pictures of Tyra lining the walls of the house?

The first episode of cycle 11 ("The Notorious Fierce Fourteen") focused on trimming 33 semi-finalists to 20 to 14. Since we got at most five seconds of confessional out of a few of the random 33, most of the episode was about meeting the girls in the final 14.

Tyra and the Jays spent the episode using corny special effects to "beam fiercely" all over their "Top Model Institute of Technology." The theme for this season was "the future" (or Lost in Space, I couldn't really tell) so the photo shoot had the models dressed in futuristic catsuits that reminded me a little of Britney Spear's outfit in the music video for "Toxic."

I have to admit, the corn got to me. I kept expecting Crow and Tom Servo to show up and make catty comments about Tyra-bot going Terminator on the new models. Personally, I was waiting for her to reveal her Borg implants and inform the contestants that resistance is futile -- you will be assimilated. Anyone who ever rejected Tyra's makeover knows how brutal her Borg tactics can be.

But the corniness was embraced by Tyra, the Jays and the contestants with such enthusiasm that it set the tone for the rest of the season. The drama might get intense, the competition might be fierce, but this group of contestants was willing to roll with it and scream at high pitches for the high priestess named Tyra-bot.

The second episode ("Top Model Inauguration") was more standard Top Model format. The 14 girls went on the first challenge: meeting the judges in a dark restaurant/theatre called "The Magic Castle." I love Paulina as the lone sane person on the judging panel; she makes me not miss Twiggy. Unlike the actual Top Model potentials, if I met Nigel at a small table in a shadowy room, I'd probably taser him, not sit down for a chat. Something about him has always creeped me out. Is it the persistent leer? The casting couch I know he has in his office? I can't tell.

The photo challenge for the episode was an editorial about voting.  Although they tried to make each of the girls represent different issues in this election, I think that whoever came up with the shots clearly didn't have a good grasp on the issues themselves. Nikeysha represented "cloning" and I spent a while trying to figure out if they meant "stem cell research." Mckey looked a little confused when told that her issue was "the environment" and said, "I'm not sure what the environment has to do with voting."  

The highlight of the whole episode was Clark's puzzlement when told that her issue was "bureaucracy." "Do you know what bureaucracy is?" she asked the other models. It made me shed a single tear, because I like my villains to be smarter than that.

It's always interesting to me how early characterization affects girls later on the show. After the twenty were pared down in the first episode, we saw some familiar characters emerging in the second. Clark's already setting herself up to be the ruthless one, Elina the lesbian/animal rights/socially conscious chick, and poor Hannah is the innocent lamb about to be eaten alive by the competition.

I can't help but root for some Elina/Clark action because it's been far too long since "Top Model" suffered the same romance drama of other reality shows.

There were a couple of girls that didn't fit into any reality show stereotypes (yet), and I already love them. Marjorie, the adorable blonde from San Francisco, is defined by being nervous.  I feel sympathetic for her fish-out-of-water awkwardness and kind of want to give her a hug.  

Sheena presents a confident Harlem-badass front, but with the other girls she shows her true colors as a nice girl who's sympathetic to Marjorie's nerves and the other girls' rejection of Isis. And she does it without the trite "no one knows the real me" confessional!

Which brings us to Isis, an out MTF transgendered woman.  Although she wowed the judges in the second episode as well as last cycle when she was in the background during a photo shoot, her presence in the competition made some of the other girls uncomfortable.  Clark and Hannah were upset enough to gossip about it behind Isis's back, but Sharaun was so disturbed that she made several confessionals about it, and during Isis's photo shoot kept up a mean commentary about Isis's body hair.

Personally, I found Isis to be the most professional Top Model hopeful.  She seemed on top of her game, and was more familiar with basic photography than the other girls.  Since she was so cool and collected about handling Sharaun's bigotry and the other girls' curiosity, I can't wait to see how she handles the rest of the challenges.

The fact that Sharaun was cut by the end of the episode wasn't a huge surprise at all, because there's a definite narrative to Top Model, one that doesn't encourage overconfidence, or going against Tyra's favored models.

The narrative of Top Model: Tyra picks you out of obscurity, sculpts you until you are a Top Model, and only then does she hand you the keys to the world.  Regardless of what actually happens to Top Model winners after the show is over, within the narrative Tyra makes you into a Top Model.

Sharaun made two mistakes.  First, she was over-confident, unpleasantly so, because to go with the narrative, you are not "the next Top Model" until Tyra says so.  Telling the judges, telling Tyra that you're the next Top Model only makes you look bad.  And, second, Tyra isn't going to let outright bigotry slide, because the world of Top Model is the world of fashion as Tyra wishes it was, not as it actually is.  Technically, she can't call girls out for things that don't happen on set, but she can definitely vote you off her island.

I'm looking forward to the rest of the season, seeing what new cracktastic challenges are coming, and how the new set of hopefuls will deal with them.