Wanting to capitalize on the growing buzz for season two, the CW released an extended preview for the upcoming Gossip Girl premiere. (Spoilers!) And while the whole clip itself is about five and a half minutes, the clip of the premiere is more like three (despite being touted as “the first five minutes” across the web).

We’re treated to a snappy recap of the past season interspersed with timeline reminders -- One Year Later, 52 Weeks, 365 Days -- capped off with an ominous ‘The Story Continues’ followed quickly by the Gossip Girl titles. Would I be too bitchy (ha, where this show is concerned?) if I pointed out that it’s actually been 366 days? Leap Year, bitches!

Anyway, we jump right into the preview with flashes of the picturesque East Hampton setting and Nate making out with a blond (who we’re clearly supposed to think is Serena). But you rare, mythical folk known as Nate/Serena shippers shouldn’t hold your breath. The blond in question is just what the spoilers have been referring to as a “cougar.” Though, to be honest, she’s not exactly what most of us probably envision when we think of a cougar.

At any rate, this is quickly followed up with a round up of the gang’s current activities. Chuck basks on the beach with three topless ladies.

Meanwhile, he gets a Gossip text about Blair’s whereabouts just before Serena strolls past him with a disapproving, pinched expression. She sits down to think about how tragic her life is and the shot fades to the subject of her forlorn contemplation – Dan.

He’s definitely not as distressed as his ex, showcased perfectly by his intense lip lock with random, stock brunette #237. They’re in some stuffy bookstore with an even stuffier looking author doing a book reading in the background. Digits are then written on Dan’s open palm (Dan, I though you didn’t like clichés?), and thus ends our snapshot of life in East Hampton.

And if anyone cares, that’s followed up by a preview of the new CW show, Privileged. Though just based on the thirty seconds I saw, I’m already underwhelmed, and I wasn’t even expecting anything. Plus, their alliteration schtick didn’t work nearly as well as mine. “Poised, Possibilities, Privileged.” There should have been at least one or two more (perfect, picturesque, pretty, petty, popular, promise…) in order to really sell it. As it is, I think I’ll be passing on Privileged.

Thus concludes our pithy previews, but don’t fret. There’s only five more days until Gossip Girl’s premiere on the CW (September, 1st – 9/8c). I’m sure it’ll be positively provocative. (Sorry, I couldn’t help myself!)